Survivor's Guilt: Missing Scenes for S9
by Betterbuddy
Summary: S9X01 N.O.T.B. shows Tony in such an emotionally vulnerable state. The events of the SecNav's assignment scarred him throughout S9 from S9x01 thru S9X12 Housekeeping. These are missing scenes for Nature of the Beast, including a prelude and an epilogue.
1. Prelude: Part 1

_Author's note: After seeing S9's season premiere, where Tony was so emotionally vulnerable, I wanted to add a missing scene immediately before Nature of the Beast started. Then there is a missing scene at the end immediately after DiNozzo's memory returns, which provides additional possibilities as to why (IMO) DiNozzo has been so glum and filled with angst this season. Additionally, Gibbs seems to be making so many concerned, sideway glances at him, as well as prompting him to talk about personal, not-work related concerns. The sections are clearly labeled where it switches from the prelude and the epilogue. Spoilers: S8 Baltimore, S8 Pyramid, S9 Nature of the Beast. Additional small details and observations taken from S9 Restless, S9 Sins of the Father, S9 Silent Night, S9 Housekeeping._

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><p><strong>Prelude to S9X01 Nature of the Beast<strong>

**Gibbs' Living Room Couch**

RING RING RING RING RING

Gibbs started to stir from his sleep as the phone continued to ring. He turned on the light and sat up on the couch before answering his ringing cell phone.

"Hello. Yeah this is Gibbs." Gibbs said looking over at his clock. He noted the 12:15 am time, as he processed who was calling him.

"_Agent Gibbs, Agent Anthony DiNozzo was just admitted here at our Hospital. We were told by the Secretary of the Navy to contact you." A lady from the hospital informed Gibbs._

"The Secretary of the Navy?" Gibbs said in disgust that he was not called first, but his disgust quickly turned to worry for DiNozzo.

"I'll be right there." Gibbs said, grabbing his keys as he headed out the door.

**Hospital**

"Gibbs**." **Secretary Jarvis said as he greeted coming out of the elevator. Gibbs was tempted to run past him, but he turned toward Jarvis.

"Agent DiNozzo was found unconscious in an alleyway. He has a concussion. Although he was wearing a vest, someone tried to shoot him in the chest."

"Where is he?" Gibbs asked passing up Jarvis, looking around to see if he could see DiNozzo nearby in a room.

"There is a neurologist with him right now." Jarvis said. Gibbs glared at him, grateful that Jarvis could not read his current thoughts.

"I just want to see him." Gibbs said, pushing his anger for Jarvis aside for the moment.

"He cannot remember what happened, Gibbs." Jarvis shared with him. "Do you think _you . . ._could help him remember?" Jarvis asked.

"You have already questioned him?" Gibbs asked. "How long has he been here already?"

"He has been here since 11:00, Gibbs." Jarvis said.

"Were you here with him the whole time . . ._grilling_ him?" Gibbs asked accusingly. "Now, . . .you want my help? I should have been contact immediately. In fact, why wasn't I? I am the emergency contact for all of my agents."

"DiNozzo met with the target tonight." Jarvis added.

"Do you know what happened?" Gibbs asked.

"He does not even remember who the target was right now." Jarvis added. Gibbs shook his head.

"Where is he?" Gibbs asked stepping away from Jarvis again.

"He is in that room Gibbs." Jarvis said pointing to the closed door at the end of the hall. Gibbs angrily turned to face Jarvis again.

"So why did you call me?" Gibbs asked suspiciously. "Do you think he is holding back from you by choice?"

"He trusts you." Jarvis responded without directly agreeing with him. "DiNozzo has been rather tight lipped lately on how the assignment has been going."

"Yeah, I noticed that." Gibbs shot back. "Is there a specific reason why DiNozzo would keep information from you?"

"Last time we spoke, he tried to resign from NCIS." Jarvis admitted. Gibbs looked down and tried to contain an angry outburst. "He kept mentioning Gibbs' rule #36."

"_If it feels like you are being played, you probably are_." Gibbs said treating Jarvis with an accusing stare. After a long uncomfortable silence, and Jarvis looking down away from Gibbs, the doors to DiNozzo's room opened.

"This was a matter of National Security, Gibbs." Jarvis reminded him. A doctor came out of the room and approached them.

"He has amnesia." The doctor told the SecNav. "It most likely is selective amnesia, as a result of a severe trauma. We are still waiting for the results from the CT scan. Do not let him go to sleep for a while. I am not sure if he would even if he could, though." The doctor said walking away. Gibbs turned to go into DiNozzo's room, only to be stopped by Jarvis. Gibbs returned an annoyed glance.

"Please just help him remember Gibbs." Jarvis said. Gibbs nodded in agreement.

"If he can tell me, I will tell you." Gibbs responded.

"Ms. Sciuto is already in her lab processing evidence from the alleyway." Jarvis added watching as Gibbs took a long sip from his coffee before entering the room.


	2. Prelude: Part 2

"T-o-n-y." Gibbs said slowly and strongly as he entered the hospital room. He found DiNozzo fidgeting at the end of the bed.

"Boss." Tony said gratefully with a smile. Gibbs sat down in the chair right in front of him, grabbing his shoulder to push him back down as he tried to stand up. He then stood back up to look at the visible head injury that DiNozzo had on his forehead. Gibbs turned his head so that he could see the wound before checking for dilated pupils.

He then sat back down in the chair and continued to study DiNozzo, who was looking at the bullet proof vest that he had worn.

"Let me see that." Gibbs said softly. DiNozzo obediently handed it over to Gibbs. He watched as Gibbs looked it over and found the bullet hole where DiNozzo would have gotten hit.

"This would have killed you, Tony." Gibbs said looking over DiNozzo. DiNozzo nodded and looked away in response to Gibbs' observation. As Gibbs got closer to asking DiNozzo questions about what had happened, Gibbs could tell that Tony was becoming increasingly agitated.

"Tony?" Gibbs said setting down the vest, but DiNozzo only looked down further.

"Hey." Gibbs tried again in a soft but firm voice. Gibbs dragged the chair closer to DiNozzo. He then set his hands on both of DiNozzo's shoulders. He could feel DiNozzo's body tense up from this. As Gibbs' hands were now on DiNozzo's shoulders, Gibbs was able to establish eye contact. From doing this, Gibbs could feel that DiNozzo was trembling.

"Tony." Gibbs said tilting his head, so that he could clearly watch Tony. He was taken aback by the way DiNozzo's eyes seemed to be tearing from Gibbs giving him so much attention.

"What happened?" Gibbs asked softly, as he continued to hold onto Tony.

"I don't remember, Boss." DiNozzo answered. The tone of his voice was slightly broken up. Between the voice that was now breaking up and his teary eyes, Gibbs wondered if DiNozzo could handle being questioned right now, especially after already being grilled by Jarvis.

"Hey." Gibbs said in soft, gentle tone. Since DiNozzo was always very good at keeping his emotions in tacked, Gibbs hesitated and struggled with asking him more questions.

"Do you feel all right?" Gibbs asked, as he continued to feel him trembling under his grip.

"Yeah. . ." DiNozzo said tilting his head to the side, as he tried to lie to Gibbs. "It is just a little headache."

"Why do you have a head injury Tony? Do you remember being shot?" Gibbs asked, releasing Tony from his hold. An agitated DiNozzo looked down and away from Gibbs.

"I really do not remember anything, Boss." DiNozzo repeated, once again being unsuccessful at hiding all of his emotions. Gibbs needed a moment to process what he was seeing right now. A normally rock solid DiNozzo was actually crying. Although he did everything to hide this from Gibbs, DiNozzo also knew that Gibbs sees everything. But, he still felt the need to duck away from Gibbs.

Gibbs's hand gripped the back of DiNozzo's neck, pulling him in closer, re-establishing eye contact.

"If you don't remember anything, what did Jarvis say to you then?" Gibbs asked.

"He was asking me the same questions that you are." DiNozzo said. Noticing the haunted look that Tony had, Gibbs continued to watch him very closely.

"Did you tell him you were resigning from NCIS, if he did not take you off this assignment?"

"Yeah." DiNozzo said softly anticipating a head slap that never came. DiNozzo buried his head in his hands. Gibbs then stood up and sat next to him on the bed. He wrapped his arm around his shoulders and rubbed his hand up and down his shoulder, trying to calm him.

"I am sorry Boss." DiNozzo said raising his head back up and looking at Gibbs.

"Jarvis wants me to find out what happened." Gibbs explained. "He thinks you will open up to me better." Gibbs said showing his disbelief in that statement.

"If I remembered anything Boss, I would tell you." DiNozzo replied defensively.

"You have been – very distracted lately." Gibbs said. "You barely talk to any of us."

"And now I don't remember any of it." DiNozzo repeated in frustration.

"Whoever your target was—that person had to be able to handle themselves _well._ Do you remember spending all that time at the firing range? I caught you there a lot lately. Do you remember talking to me?" Gibbs got closer into DiNozzo's face waiting for the answer. DiNozzo started to shake his head quickly in response.

"No." DiNozzo said. The answer came out sounding more yelp. From that, DiNozzo tried to get up and move away from Gibbs. Gibbs kept a hand on DiNozzo before he was able to do that.

"Do you remember the day when Ziva was told she was no longer a probationary agent?" Gibbs asked. This time Tony managed to stand up and start walking away from Gibbs.


	3. Prelude: Part 3

"Yeah." Tony finally answered as he paced around the room, facing away from Gibbs.

"Hey." Gibbs said sharply. "Sit back down before you pass out again."

"I can't do this, Boss. I just don't remember." DiNozzo shouted with an apparent flood of emotions. Gibbs was not far behind DiNozzo ready to catch him before he fell. "And, Jarvis sent you in here for force it out of me."

"No. He was just hoping I could help jar your memory." Gibbs explained hoping to calm his agent down. He considered the fact that Jarvis had grilled him with questions for roughly an hour before Gibbs even got there though.

"He ordered me to report back to him any information you remembered about your target because that target is a threat to us. Until we figure this out, there will be an agent assigned to you while you are here. I am not going to _force_ anything out of you though." Gibbs said in an unGibbs-like, calm, gentle voice as he managed to grab hold of Tony's shoulders again and redirect him back to sitting on the bed. DiNozzo continued to struggle with remembering. Gibbs became irritated with how he would look anywhere but at him, since Gibbs was already fully aware of the fact that Tony was very vulnerable right now.

"Look at me, Tony." Gibbs said forcefully. He watched as Tony's body seemed to tense up from that. Tony ducked his head and buried his face into his hands.

"Tony." Gibbs repeated. He now grabbed Tony's wrists and pulled his hands away from his face. This left nothing for Tony to hide his face under. He looked up at Gibbs with his now almost blood shot eyes.

"You look at me." Gibbs repeated. "You don't need to hide yourself from me, Tony. I know you are frustrated right now." From that DiNozzo returned the same haunted and ashamed look before looking back down.

"Hey." Gibbs said sharply. DiNozzo jumped from Gibbs' voice before looking back up at him.

"Do you remember any of the conversations you had with SecNav before today?" Gibbs asked watching him closely.

"No." DiNozzo said closing his eyes.

"Alright Tony." Gibbs said. DiNozzo shook his head and reopened his eyes. He kept looking over at Gibbs. Gibbs and Tony shared a wordless message, both of them knowing that this conversation was not going anywhere. Gibbs nodded at him that he knew that DiNozzo was trying.

"I left a message for your father to call me." Gibbs said. DiNozzo peered back at him with a look of absolute horror.

"He is your father, Tony." Gibbs said. "He should know that you are in the hospital."

"Boss, I can't deal with him right now. There is no need to worry him. I'll be out of here soon." Tony said defensively.

"That does not change the fact that you are in the hospital." Gibbs shot back.

"He—he doesn't handle this type of. . ._stuff_ well." DiNozzo tried to explain. Gibbs treated him with a glare, indicating that this argument was over.

DiNozzo leaned over to pour some water in a cup. Gibbs realized how much he was trembling by the amount of water spilling outside the cup. Gibbs stepped over, grabbed the pitcher from DiNozzo, and finished pouring the water into the cup for him.

"Thanks Boss." DiNozzo said with a grin and an embarrassed laugh. Gibbs handed the cup to DiNozzo but still held it steady for him while he drank. After putting the cup back down, DiNozzo was now so embarrassed that his trembling seemed to worsen.

DiNozzo jumped, startled by a nurse walking into the room. Gibbs put his hand back on Tony's shoulder after that edgy response.

"You can relax, Tony." Gibbs tried to assure him, as he returned to just studying DiNozzo as the nurse was in the room.

"Sir, could I have about ten minutes?" The nurse said to Gibbs. Gibbs looked DiNozzo over before heading for the door. His body was still very tense, and he remained edgy even after Gibbs tried to assure him that there was no reason for that.

"Yes." Gibbs answered her, with a grin before looking at DiNozzo one more time and leaving the room. As he exited the room, he noticed that he himself had been talking with Tony almost an hour now with no success.

He dialed the number of Kate's sister, Dr. Cranston. He explained the basic details of this situation to her and requested that she come to the hospital at this late hour.


	4. Epilogue: Part 4

**Now, switching to the post- S9 Nature of the Beast episode events. . .so please keep in mind that these events take place after the events in Nature of the Beast.**

**Epilogue to Nature of the Beast**

Gibbs nodded and treated DiNozzo with a small grin proud of him for trying so hard to remember the details of his traumatic evening. He turned and thanked Kate's sister for her patience and her effective strategies that helped DiNozzo remember.

"I need to put a BOLO out." Gibbs said, looking at Tony again, who was now looking down toward the ground. He was squinting and appearing lost in his own thoughts.

"Excuse me." Gibbs said as he passed by Dr. Cranston, who had not moved, although her work there was done.

"Tony?" She said in concern. Her voice jarred him out of his thoughts. He turned and walked closer to her.

"Thank you. . ." DiNozzo emphasized. ". . .for everything. I—could not have done this without your help." The gratitude he showed her made her smile, but she still looked at him in concern. The haunted look in his eyes had her wondering if she caused more harm than good by helping him to remember.

"There was a reason why you had amnesia. It is a protective response. It is more important that you recover. Don't let these memories consume you, Tony." She said. He nodded noticing that Gibbs was standing in the doorway.

"That is very good advice, Doc." Gibbs said, looking over Tony.

"All right, I will see you later." She turned to head out of the door. She acknowledged another set of thank _yous_ before heading for the elevator. Gibbs followed her to the elevator doors, which she did not realize until after she hit the button.

"Oh Gibbs." She said turning and realizing he was standing right next to her. She held her hand on her chest in surprise.

"Thank you again." Gibbs said.

"I would keep an eye on him, Gibbs." She suggested.

"Already on that." Gibbs said with a nod.

"I don't just mean because the shooter -Stratton was just here, either." She said.

"I have never seen that much raw emotion come out of him before." Dr. Cranston added confirming Gibbs' own thoughts. "He is having a hard time with this. There was clearly a reason why he blocked it. And, the reason was not just from tonight's events. This thing all started back in May?" She asked. Gibbs nodded a confirmation.

"That is a long time to be in misery, Gibbs." She said.

"He never should have agreed to take this assignment. You think he isn't sharing everything, don't you?" Gibbs asked suspiciously.

"Well, that would be true to his character." She said as she entered the elevator.

Gibbs turned around and headed back to DiNozzo room. He was surprised to find the Secretary Jarvis standing in the doorway talking with DiNozzo.

"So did Gibbs help you remember any details yet?" Jarvis said, as Gibbs approached.

"Mr. Secretary." Gibbs said from behind.

"Oh ah Gibbs, do you have any information for me?" Jarvis backed up and turned to face Gibbs. Gibbs could see DiNozzo still standing where he left him near the window, as he listened in on the conversation.

"So Cade was the target? He was found dead, floating in the Potomac. Dr. Mallard is in autopsy right now, if you would like to discuss the details with him." Gibbs said.

"Do we know anything else?" Jarvis asked looking at Gibbs and back at DiNozzo.

"Your target is dead. However, the man that killed your target was just here at the hospital. I am having the hospital staff pull the security footage. E.J. Barrett was also there in the alleyway, but we have not recovered a body." Gibbs explained. Jarvis nodded and processed the details.

"I just need to talk with Agent DiNozzo for a moment." Jarvis said.

"I thought that was all you needed to know." Gibbs argued.

"I still need to talk to him Gibbs." Jarvis said. "I was hoping he remembered some other things too."

"Can it wait until tomorrow?" Gibbs said, eyeing DiNozzo on the other side of the room. Jarvis treated Gibbs with a small grin for his bluntness.

"It can wait." Jarvis said looking over at DiNozzo.

"I am glad you recovered your memory." He said before he started to head toward the elevator.

"Oh, he is far from recovered, Mr. Secretary." Gibbs said accusingly. The comment offended both Jarvis and DiNozzo.

"I will assign a protection detail for him." Jarvis said as he started to walk away.

"That's already covered." Gibbs retorted. Jarvis stopped a moment, considered reprimanding Gibbs, but continued down his path to the elevator.


	5. Epilogue: Part 5

"Hey, sit back down." Gibbs said walking over to the windows and guiding DiNozzo back to his bed. Gibbs flipped off part of the lights before sitting down in the chair in the far corner of the room. He put on his reading glasses and picked up a magazine trying to read in the dim light coming from the hallway.

"Boss." DiNozzo said.

"Time to get some sleep, Tony." Gibbs said standing back up and pushing DiNozzo to lay back down on the bed.

"I can't sleep." Tony said in amusement with an awkward laugh.

"You try." Gibbs said. He could hear a soft, quick laugh from Tony after hearing the word "try" again.

"I don't know if you noticed this, DiNozzo, but it is now approaching 3am." Gibbs explained.

"Wha—what? When did that happen?" DiNozzo looked around the room for a clock from his disbelief.

"Oh my, I am sorry Boss. You should go. . ." DiNozzo said looking at Gibbs in concern.

"I am not going anywhere, DiNozzo. _You_ go to sleep." Gibbs ordered in a serious tone. After a few minutes, DiNozzo let out a long, audible sigh.

"Could I turn on the TV?" DiNozzo asked.

"Nooo!" Gibbs shot back in a fatherly tone.

"Softly?" DiNozzo tried again. Gibbs shook his head in disbelief that they were having this discussion.

"Go-to-sleep." He ordered again. A few minutes later Gibbs looked back over to DiNozzo from his magazine to see that DiNozzo was looking at him.

"Hey." Gibbs shouted throwing his arm up in frustration. "I thought I told you to get to sleep."

"I thought I wasn't supposed to?" DiNozzo asked. "I have gotten concussions from playing football before."

"Because you have had concussions before, that is why you are staying in a hospital. I will wake you up in an hour or two." Gibbs said.

"What is the point, then?" DiNozzo asked. Gibbs looked at him, ready to lecture him, but the look of fear in Tony's eyes made him stop.

"Alright Tony. . ." Gibbs said softly, handing him the remote. Within minutes of turning on the television, Gibbs saw that Tony was asleep. From the television's glow, it made it easier for Gibbs to read.

Gibbs looked up at the clock forty-five minutes later, shaking his head at the night's events. He looked over at DiNozzo, who seemed to still be sleeping, as the light of the television continued to flicker. Gibbs looked back up to see Abby standing in the doorway. Gibbs stood up and walked over to her. They stepped out into the hallway.


	6. Epilogue: Part 6

"Thanks Abs." Gibbs said to her as she handed him more clothes for Tony and some reading material for Gibbs.

"How is he doing?" Abby asked, peeking in the room.

"It is hard to say." Gibbs responded with a cryptic response. She looked at him curiously from that, noticing his obvious concern and worry.

"Is he okay, Gibbs?" Abby asked feeling that Gibbs was more concerned than even her.

"Physically, I think he will recover in a few days or a week at the most." Gibbs said. "Jarvis insisted that he stay here at least two days. His CT scan did come back fine."

"Hey Abs." DiNozzo said, joining them out in the hallway. She gave him a big hug. Gibbs scowled at them.

"Hey, DiNozzo, what the h*ll are you doing? Get back in that bed now." Gibbs shouted, as he gripped his arm and pulled him back over.

"I thought you were sleeping, Tony. Did I wake you?" Abby said joining them.

"No I can't sleep." DiNozzo admitted.

"You have been asleep for the last hour Tony." Gibbs said, but Gibbs caught the amusing grin he had on his face.

"I thought if I made it look like I was asleep that you would fall asleep too." DiNozzo said. Gibbs shook his head in disgust.

"I am on protection detail right now." Gibbs said looking over DiNozzo. "I am not sleeping."

"Protection detail? What is going on?" Abby asked in a fearful tone. Gibbs silently cursed, when Abby heard that information.

"The guy who murdered Cade was here just a little while ago." Gibbs admitted to her. She gasped from that information.

"Why didn't you tell me that before, Gibbs?" Abby said in a panic. "I'll call Ziva and McGee."

"No—no Abs." Gibbs stopped her. "Let them sleep. They get up at 5am. You can call them then. I am here now."

Gibbs turned to look at DiNozzo critically, seeing as his eyes were blood shot again and bags started to form under his eyes.

"When was the last time you got a full night of sleep?" Gibbs asked.

"Ah—well, I got some sleep last night, but I did not go to sleep the night before. . ." DiNozzo thought back and rambled, as he considered Gibbs' question. Gibbs flipped off the television.

"Get some sleep now then." Gibbs ordered.

"Yes, Boss." DiNozzo said, considering the serious tone in Gibbs' voice. Abby gave Gibbs a big hug and then gave another big hug to Tony, noticing the glare she was getting from Gibbs before she left.

"DiNozzo, very soon I will be requesting a sedative." Gibbs growled at a still-awake DiNozzo.

"I don't think they will do that, will they Boss?" DiNozzo asked, but he quickly quieted from the glare he got from Gibbs. Gibbs set down his new magazine.

"Is there something on your mind?" Gibbs asked.

"Just everything." DiNozzo said softly.

"Is there something bothering you?" Gibbs asked.

"Yeah. . ." DiNozzo said, then left a long pause before finishing. Gibbs wondered if he would get an answer. "E.J." He finally answered. Gibbs nodded in understanding of his comment.

"She definitely knew more than she told me. If she is still alive. . ." DiNozzo started to say. Gibbs noticed the haunted look in his eyes.

"Tony." Gibbs said with a warning tone. "If she is alive, we will find her." DiNozzo nodded.

"Yes, Boss." DiNozzo responded, looking down.

"I don't want you talking with Jarvis alone anymore." Gibbs informed him with a strong, stare, which DiNozzo would not even consider arguing with. Gibbs continued to look over DiNozzo critically.

"What else is on your mind?" Gibbs asked. DiNozzo looked at Gibbs and gave him a little smile.

"Nah - nothing." DiNozzo shook off the idea.

"Hmm-mm" Gibbs responded, leaning back in the chair with his magazine.

**McGee's apartment**

As soon as McGee's alarm clock buzzed, his cellphone started to ring as well.

"McGee." McGee said into his phone. "Abby. . .why are you . . .? Wow, he is in the hospital. What happened? Okay I will be right there Abs."

**Ziva's apartment**

"Yes, Abby." Ziva answered her ringing cellphone to hear the details of last night's events.

"I will be there as soon as I can Abby."


	7. Epilogue: Part 7

**Hospital Room**

Gibbs looked up again to see both McGee and Ziva standing in the doorway. He got up quickly and headed for the door.

"What happened?" McGee asked in concern. Ziva looked back and forth from them to Tony laying in the hospital bed, as Gibbs explained the details of the night. Ziva turned and joined in on the conversation when she learned that Stratton, the person responsible for killing Cade and almost killing Tony had recently been at the hospital.

"So are we assigned to protect him then?" Ziva asked. "Is he going for that?"

"He'll be here at least one more night." Gibbs said but nodding in agreement of Ziva question. "He will have to."

"I no longer have a gun. It is in the chain of evidence." DiNozzo added to the conversation, as he joined them in the hallway.

"DiNozzo stop doing that." Gibbs raised his voice again at DiNozzo, pointing him in the direction of the bed. Ziva and McGee noticed the strain in Gibbs' voice.

"Gibbs, why don't you go home? I can stay with him now." Ziva said, sitting down looking Tony over with her own critical stare. She put her hand out about to touch his head wound, but he backed away from her.

"How are you doing, Tony?" McGee asked with noticeable concern, which made Tony uncomfortable. He did not like everyone regarding him this way.

"I got a concussion again. Now all I see are football plays in my head, reminding me of my time playing varsity football. I just have this incredible urge to sack the quarterback." DiNozzo said looking at McGee, which then changed to a smile. He was treated with three solemn faces, not finding the situation at all amusing.

"He has been a real handful Ziva. Did you want McGee to stay too?" Gibbs said eyeing DiNozzo.

"Oh, no I can definitely handle him Gibbs." Ziva said with a determined and devious smile.

"Not that he has been sleeping anyway. However, check with the new nurse when she comes in if he can sleep for more than two hours at a time. Apparently, he had a little insomnia thing going on before this all happened last night." Gibbs said with an irritated tone, watching DiNozzo critically. DiNozzo made a loud, short grunting sound, in response to Gibbs' comment. Gibbs noticed how his body tensed, and he was becoming agitated from the attention.

"All right Tony." Gibbs said standing over him. "You behave yourself." Gibbs said with noticeable concern. DiNozzo caught Gibbs' flinch as he looked at DiNozzo's head injury again.

"See ya Boss." DiNozzo said watching as Gibbs left the room with McGee.

"So, as the agent in charge now. . ." Ziva started to say forcefully. ". . .I am ordering you to go to sleep."

**Several Hours Later**

"You _are_ disgusting." Ziva said loudly with a laugh.

"Why? What do you have against jello, Ziva?" Tony asked defensively, as he sat on the bed flipping through television channels.

"What is going on in here?" McGee asked, walking in with a grin. When he entered, the laughing and the talking stopped, which intrigued McGee even more about the topic being discussed. "What about jello?"

After a long silence, McGee redirected the conversation.

"How are you Tony?" McGee asked.

"I am doing just great, Tim. Thanks for asking." Tony said, as he sat up straight up still flipping through the channels.

"He has not slept since I got here." Ziva turned DiNozzo in. "I have ordered him repeatedly to get some _eye shut_."

"That is "shut eye" Ziva." McGee corrected. Ziva threw her arms up in the air in response to the comment.

"Ziva, you can go home. I will just stay with Tony for a little while until Gibbs gets here." McGee stated. "Besides you have been with Tony all day, so you should be exhausted."

"It is unfortunate that he is not exhausted from being with me all day. He needs to get some sleep." Ziva snarled, directing her frustration at Tony again.

"That is bad Tony. You need to sleep. Gibbs said you did not sleep last night either." McGee supported Ziva's concerns.

"Gibbs even said that he suffered from insomnia before the concussion." Ziva added.

"Does your doctor know about that, Tony?" McGee asked, showing even more concern. McGee's serious tone and the attention that Tony was getting from both of them were making him squirm.

"Tony?" McGee repeated.

"His doctor was in here just a little while ago. I believe that he knows." Ziva stated, looking him over with a critical eye. "You wait until Gibbs gets here."

"And, Gibbs will be coming with Vance." McGee added. This news shot a chill up DiNozzo spine.

"Why? What did I do?" DiNozzo shot back in a whiny voice. Normally, they would tease him about his worry, but they were becoming increasingly concerned about his current state.

"DiNozzo." Vance said approaching the hospital bed, looking him over carefully. Gibbs followed behind him. DiNozzo now had four people looking him over carefully. "How are you?"

"Gibbs brought me up to speed. Have you remembered anything else? Have you remembered seeing Agent Barrett alive or remembered anything more about this shooter?" Vance quickly added.

DiNozzo shook his head nervously before saying a quiet no.

"You all right Tony?" Gibbs asked almost stepping in front of Vance to get closer to DiNozzo. He now was standing over Tony, who still sat up on the bed. DiNozzo nodded his head hastily.

"He has not been sleeping – at all." Ziva stated with a touch of anger.

"Not at all?" Gibbs asked irritated at DiNozzo. "You should have called me." Gibbs said glaring at DiNozzo, ready to start a lecture.

McGee gave a silent signal to Ziva before he made a discreet exit. Ziva gave DiNozzo a light pat on the shoulder before leaving too. Gibbs stepped back after they left to close the door. Gibbs silently cursed because Vance had still not left.

"What is going on? Do you remember more?" Gibbs asked pushing Vance's question again.

"You have been edgy for months, Tony, since this assignment started." Gibbs stated. "Is there something else going on?"

"It is all over now." DiNozzo just stated the rather cryptic comment as he shook his head, looking down and away from them.

"You had a concussion, DiNozzo. Did you have a CT scan done?" Vance asked, reading the unspoken language between the two. DiNozzo looked up and nodded.

"I did, sir." DiNozzo said. Vance nodded treating him with his own glare.

Vance left the room as his phone started to ring. Gibbs stepped closer, examining DiNozzo appearance catching a stifled yawn in the process. DiNozzo grimaced as he thought he was about to get a head slap, but instead Gibbs just rested his hand on the back of his head before getting down right in DiNozzo's face to look straight in his eyes.

"Talk to me." He said. DiNozzo just shook his head defensively.

"You are tired. Why aren't you sleeping?" Gibbs stated but did not expect him to answer.

"You are in a hospital being watched closely. Your CT scan came back fine. What is the problem?" Gibbs tried to say without a yell. DiNozzo swallowed hard, trying to look away from Gibbs but he still gripped the back of his head. Gibbs could see him wrestling with some ideas in his head.

"I am just worried. . ." DiNozzo started to say.

"About?" An impatient Gibbs prompted.

"That what I told you might not even be . . _.accurate_." DiNozzo said cautiously. "I mean I did not purposely mislead you." DiNozzo added a bit frazzled now from their discussion.

"Why would you be doubting yourself?" Gibbs said, finally dropping his hand from the back of DiNozzo's head, as he pulled a chair over to the bed. Once Gibbs backed away from DiNozzo, he became more closed lipped. Gibbs stood up and bent over getting directly in DiNozzo's face again.

"Tony?" Gibbs said gently. Vance rejoined them, causing DiNozzo to tense up again. Knowing that DiNozzo would not answer the question in front of Vance, Gibbs sat back down in his chair, keeping his focus on DiNozzo.

"I just spoke with your doctor." Vance said approaching DiNozzo with his glare. "Get some sleep." He ordered.

"Gibbs." Vance said with a nod, as he left the room. DiNozzo looked back at Gibbs, who was leaning back in the chair staring at him. DiNozzo laid back in the bed and turned off the television.

"The evidence we found in that alley is consistent with your story, Tony. Stratton was really here at the hospital." Gibbs shared. "There is no reason to doubt yourself. You did a good job Tony." DiNozzo's reaction was not what Gibbs had expected from giving him such direct praise. Under normal circumstances, DiNozzo would have accepted the praise from Gibbs. Instead, Gibbs saw DiNozzo turn away from him with a look of shame again.

"What Tony? Hey. . ." Gibbs said trying to get DiNozzo to look back up at him. "What is bothering you?"

"I can't head slap you right now, so. . ." Gibbs said with a hint of humor, in attempt to redirect DiNozzo. ". . .where should I slap you instead?" Gibbs watched as DiNozzo seemed to wrestle with his own thoughts.

"Tony?" Gibbs said again sitting up closer to him.


	8. Epilogue: Part 8

"Ever since Danny died, I. . ." DiNozzo started to say but trailed off, realizing that he was about to reveal this very deep, confession to Gibbs. He hesitated knowing that there would be no turning back.

"What about Price, Tony?" Gibbs asked prompting DiNozzo. DiNozzo felt Gibbs looking at him strongly. After the long uncomfortable silence and Gibbs examining his every move, DiNozzo collected his thoughts.

"When I first discovered that Danny was a dirty cop, I left Baltimore and questioned if I should even be a cop." DiNozzo stated."

"That is right, and that earned you your very first head slap from me." Gibbs added, still looking strongly at DiNozzo.

"My partner was a dirty cop, and I missed the signs." DiNozzo repeated. "The Major. . .Major Raimey was on the take also, and I missed that." Gibbs nodded in agreement to the events.

"Now, ten years later, Danny is dead and the Major is in prison." DiNozzo laid out.

"But, it was your gut that did figure it out with both of them." Gibbs added.

"Then I dated the SecNav's niece and never picked up on the fact that she was related to him." DiNozzo added.

"DiNozzo, let that one go." Gibbs interjected.

"But, _you_ figured it out." DiNozzo said.

"Let it go. When it really mattered, I told you." Gibbs tried to redirect DiNozzo.

"But, you really did not want me dating her." DiNozzo added.

"You know Rule 12, Tony." Gibbs said gently but expecting DiNozzo to realize that his decision was just of poor judgment. DiNozzo looked down and nodded. Before DiNozzo looked down, Gibbs noticed the shamed look on DiNozzo's face returned.

"You had every intention on dating her, Tony, despite my repeated, expressed concerns." Gibbs stated accusingly. DiNozzo closed his eyes and nodded in agreement.

"Tony?" Gibbs said, expressing his concern for DiNozzo when he saw the ashamed look returned to his face.

"Hey, stop torturing yourself." Gibbs ordered looking him over. "Is there are point to this?"

"Danny is dead. E.J. and Cade are dead." DiNozzo stated.

"We don't know if Barrett is dead, Tony. She is just MIA." Gibbs recapped. "Danny's death had nothing to do with you. He was the dirty cop, who put himself in a bad position."

"You did not want me taking the SecNav's assignment." DiNozzo stated.

"No, I did not. That is a true statement." Gibbs agreed, looking at him suspiciously as he still did not know exactly where DiNozzo was taking this discussion now.

"Why did you take the SecNav's assignment?" Gibbs asked. "Was it to prove something?"

"Prove something?" DiNozzo repeated in obvious irritation.

"You tell me then." Gibbs said gently.

"After dating the last SecNav's niece, I figured I should start off on good terms with this one in case I make another stupid mistake later." DiNozzo stated.

"Hey. . ." Gibbs said sharply. "That is enough Tony. . .stop being so critical of yourself."

"Why didn't you want me taking the assignment?" DiNozzo asked.

"You are my responsibility. I can't keep members of my team safe, when I am purposely kept in the dark about assignments."

"It wasn't because you thought I would screw this one up too?" DiNozzo asked.

"What? Hey. . .!" Gibbs said sharply. "I already told you to stop being so critical of yourself, and the answer is _no_."

"Look at how it all went down, Boss." DiNozzo stated. "I got them killed."

"Barrett-is-not-dead." Gibbs spelled out slowly. "She is just MIA."

"Cade is dead." DiNozzo quickly added.

"He was suspected to be the mole, selling intelligence important to our Nation's security." Gibbs stated.

"Was he really the mole? Did we even catch the leak?" DiNozzo asked flustered by his own questions.

"If he wasn't, I am sure NCIS will get the mole." Gibbs answered, noticing how DiNozzo became increasingly agitated from the new direction of their discussion.

"Tony, your mind is all over the place here." Gibbs stated. "One minute you were talking about your old partner, Danny Price and your old boss. Then the next, you mentioned your involvement with Agent Barrett. Now, I am sensing you feel some survivor's guilt _maybe_ from the aftermath of this assignment, but why are you being so critical of yourself? I do not even see how these things have any connection?"

DiNozzo got up and started to pace around the room, when he started to process all of Gibbs' comments. Gibbs stood up and grabbed his arm. He guided DiNozzo back to the hospital bed.

"You sit down." Gibbs ordered as he directed DiNozzo back to the bed, as he sat down in the chair in front of DiNozzo. "I am starting to understand your insomnia problem a little better. Your thoughts are all over the place. Are you up all night thinking about this?"


	9. Epilogue: Part 9

"Should I have ended my career ten years ago?" DiNozzo asked.

"What?" Gibbs had to stop his extended arm from head slapping DiNozzo. "Where is this coming from? I don't even want to hear comments like that."

When DiNozzo did not answer and he looked down away from Gibbs once again, Gibbs tried to answer his own question himself. "_**This**_ is the concussion talking. It is causing your depression and your confusion." DiNozzo did not respond to his comments.

"Tony!" Gibbs said sharply. He still did not get a reaction out of DiNozzo, who still looked down away from Gibbs.

"Anthony!" Gibbs said sharply. This did cause a surprised DiNozzo to flinch and look back up at Gibbs again.

"I guess there is nothing else to say. This is just the depression and confusion from the concussion talking." DiNozzo repeated Gibbs' explanations. The glare coming from Gibbs caused DiNozzo's shamed look to return.

"You asked me before if I took the SecNav's assignment to prove something." DiNozzo refocused the discussion again. "I took the assignment to try and prove that it was the right decision to not end my career as a cop, after leaving Baltimore." Gibbs glared at Tony.

"I asked you during Danny Price's murder investigation, if _you_ were okay. _You_ said you were fine, and I believed you. If I had known you were having these types of thoughts during that investigation, I would have pulled you from the case." Gibbs explained. Gibbs placed his right hand on DiNozzo left cheek. When he had DiNozzo's full attention, he gave DiNozzo's cheek a pat.

"No investigator should be distracted." Gibbs stated. "You were so withdrawn when you were working on that assignment. I wanted you to talk to me that day on the firing range because I knew you were distracted. We succeed when we work as a team. That is Rule 15. We can't all be distracted at the same time, when working a case."

"I know Boss." DiNozzo said looking down again.

"That assignment did not prove anything, and get these ideas out of your head, DiNozzo." Gibbs ordered.

"Do you know me to sugar-coat anything?" Gibbs shot the question at DiNozzo. DiNozzo shook his head in disagreement.

"If there is anything wrong with your gut, I will tell you." Gibbs said.

"How did your gut know that she was the SecNav's niece?" DiNozzo stated the question not expecting an answer.

"_Your head_ is all over the place." Gibbs said angrily but looked at him in concern. After hearing Gibbs' comment DiNozzo looked at him ready for another lecture. Gibbs shook his head in frustration.

"When I was sitting in for Vance, while he was in the hospital, I saw the paperwork about the Rota, Spain team moving back to D.C. It caught my attention, since it was the _**team that you were offered first**_." Gibbs emphasized almost saying accusingly to the self-doubting DiNozzo. "Barrett was suspiciously under qualified to be leading a team, so I did some digging."

The way DiNozzo hid himself from him still concerned Gibbs, especially after Gibbs' admission. DiNozzo lack of self-confidence and somber mood did not sit well with Gibbs.

Gibbs could see that the fight was out of DiNozzo now, and that he might actually try to go to sleep. Gibbs tried to support this by turning off most of the lights in the room. There were still lights coming from the hallway and the bathroom. Within ten minutes of dark quiet, DiNozzo did finally fall asleep.

After being in the dark for some time sitting next to a now sleeping DiNozzo, Gibbs could see a figure standing in the doorway watching him. He got up slowly and headed for the hallway, closing the door most of the way as he left.

"Hello Jethro, how is our boy?" Ducky asked beaming. The moan and head shaking from Gibbs earned a laugh from Ducky. Gibbs buried his face in his hands and groaned. "Would you let me stay with him a while, so you could take a break?"

"Oh I would Duck." Gibbs said. "But, I can't leave. I want a field agent here, in case Stratton returns."

"So, what is the problem, Jethro?" Ducky asked.

"Either that blow to the head stripped him of all his self-confidence, or . . ." Gibbs said trailing off.

"Why would he be doubting himself?" Ducky asked.

"That doesn't sound like our DiNozzo at all. When. . .?"

". . .probably some survivor's guilt as well." Gibbs added.

"That part I could I sympathize with." Ducky stated.

"This might have started with the Baltimore case, with Danny Price's murder investigation." Gibbs stated.

"Ah, I just read about Major Raimey recently." Ducky said. "He has a very strong case against him. Raimey made some _accusations_. . .in the newspaper article that I read."

"Duck?" Gibbs asked curiously, indicating that he had not been aware of this.

"I'll get you that article. Why is it I was told so little about this case. . .actually both cases?" Ducky asked. Gibbs reluctantly nodded. "2001 and 2011"

"It is one of my rules, Duck." Gibbs said. "You never screw over your partner. Price was a dirty cop."

"And Tony?" Ducky said looking at Gibbs.

"Whether he was in denial or saw exactly what he wanted to see, DiNozzo wasn't part of it. I was eavesdropping when he confronted Price." Gibbs replied, looking back into DiNozzo's hospital room making sure that he was still sleeping and not listening in. Ducky nodded in understanding.

"They knew each other when they were kids living in the Hamptons." Gibbs added.

"I had a feeling, when Anthony mentioned that he came from money and he knew all the details about his family." Ducky stated. "The way he never talked about Price over the years makes me wonder.

"His lack of confidence started back in May, when Price was murdered and he had to relive through Price's past deceptions." Ducky explained. "He might have had survivor's guilt back then."

"It does not help that Raimey's case is going to trial right now. Do you think that Tony will be called in to testify?" Gibbs' raised his eyebrows, giving Ducky an unsure look to the question.

"Maybe DiNozzo's head isn't as scattered as I thought." Gibbs mumbled. "I wonder if he has been following the trial.

"It is possible that Agent DiNozzo agreed to the SecNav's assignment because he saw it as a suicide mission." Ducky added. "I doubt we will ever get a direct answer. Do you want me to talk to him?"

"He just had his head shrunk by Dr. Cranston." Gibbs informed him. Ducky laughed at the comment.

"I will wait until he is back at work then. Basically, I will ask him some questions, as a friend. What is the worst that could happen? Do you think he would refuse to visit me in autopsy?" Ducky stated. Gibbs gave him a sideways glance with a grin.

"You better keep. . ." Ducky started to say.

". . .an eye on him? You know I will. Thanks Duck." Gibbs said with a nod as he reentered the hospital room where DiNozzo was still sleeping.

* * *

><p>There will be another storyline continuing the Major Raimey trailaccusations.

Thank you for reading and for your feedback.


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